The one skill - Leo Babauta

The root of all of our problems is our inability to let go

The root of all of our problems is our inability to let go.

I gleaned this idea from a book on Zen Buddhism one day a few

years ago, and it struck me in its simplicity.

Could it be true?

Consider this idea: a bird in flight. The bird lives totally in the

moment, completely focused on its flight, perhaps using its sharp

eyes to search for food.

It doesn’t start thinking, “Why does it have to be so cold here?

What do the other birds think of me? What am I going to do when

I meet up with the other birds later? Will I be successful at nest

building? Why can’t I have bigger breasts? Why can’t I wake up

earlier like the other birds?”

And so on.

Of course, as humans we have bigger brains than the bird, and we

can solve problems and create poetry and build skyscrapers. So we

have lots more ability and lots more going on than the simple bird

floating on the wind.

These bigger brains, though, cause us all the problems that we

have. I don’t mean the problems with poverty and disease, but the

problems with overthinking things, feeling anxiety and frustration

and depression and anger over the things that happen to us and

might happen to us and have already happened to us but that we

can’t stop thinking about.

So I’ve been testing out this Zen idea in the last few years, and

the results have been amazing: I’ve reduced my stress, started

procrastinating less, improved my relationships, increased my

ability to deal with change, learned to change difficult habits, and

become more present in my life.

It’s hard to overstate the case for the skill of letting go. And the

resistance most people feel to the idea of letting go is just as great.

Let’s take a few examples (I’ll go into more detail in later chapters):

• Stress: Our stress comes from wanting things to be a certain

way, and then we get stressed when things inevitably don’t go

that way. But if we could let go of how we wanted it to be, and

accepted and appreciated reality as it is, we would let go of the

stress.

• Procrastination: We procrastinate because of a fear of failure,

hard tasks, confusion, discomfort. But if we could let go of

wanting things to be easy, successful, comfortable … and just

accept that there is a wide range of experiences, we could just

do the task.

• Habits & distractions: By the way, most people have a hard

time changing habits for this same reason — we procrastinate

on the habit just like we procrastinate on work tasks. We also

go to distractions all day long for the same reasons.

• Irritation/frustration with people: We get irritated with

people because they don’t behave the way we’d like. And this

damages our relationships with them, because we’re angry

at them. It makes us less happy. Instead, we could let go of

wanting them to be a certain way, accept them as they are, and

just be with them. It makes the relationship much better —

I’ve seen this with my dad, my wife, my kids.

• Loss & death: When a loved one dies, or we lose a job, or

we get a major illness, this is a loss that causes grieving and

suffering. And while that’s unavoidable (and we should accept

our grieving), being able to let go helps us to deal with this loss.

• Being present: Many of us would like to be more present in

life, so that we don’t miss it as it happens, so that we can

enjoy it fully. Imagine having a delicious dish in front of you,

and you eat it but are thinking about work while you chew …

you’d be missing out on the flavors of the dish. But if you could

give it your full attention, you’d fully appreciate the dish. Life

is exactly like this … we are so obsessed with thinking about

other things, that we can’t be present in the moment. We can

learn to let go of this future- or past-oriented thinking, and be

more present.