The description of GetAwaze – Routes to Freedom
GetAwaze is a revolutionary new navigation app that saves you time by showing you the location of police officers in your area so that you can avoid them. Using public information and data submitted by users, GetAwaze plots a route to your destination that avoids crossing paths with the police.
In the city, getting from one place to the next can be a real hassle, especially if you get stopped by the cops. Whether you’re a white person committing a crime or a black person, everyone has reason to avoid unwanted police interaction. That’s where GetAwaze comes in.
Using your race, gender, and proclivity to commit crimes, GetAwaze determines just how carefully you need to avoid the police, then plots your route accordingly. While the routes may seem inefficient, they’re certainly more efficient than, say, getting arrested for resisting arrest.
If you see a police officer, simply drop a pin to file a Police Report. Your report will help others know where to go to avoid a shakedown. The more people that use GetAwaze, the easier it will be for users to walk around and not get frisked for wearing a hijab or fined $200 for a one-hitter.
The potential impact of GetAwaze is immeasurable. As the user base grows, GetAwaze will save millions of commuter hours, millions of taxpayer dollars that would have been spent on police misconduct settlements, small businesses that would be hurt by riots, some lives, and hundreds of our precious remaining hashtags.
GetAwaze: Because you don’t have the time to do the time.
Features in v 0.1 include:
2-factor “speakeasy” authentication to keep cops out of the app
Race self-identification now complies with progressive standards for 2016
Gradually drains battery
Now in color (not available on all devices)
Some bugs, but you’re never going to find them
No more unexplained Satanic messages!
Automatically stops running when phone is off
Can run at the same time as other apps
New Jersey added to map
Causes Galaxy Note 7s to explode, even if app is not installed on device
Now not available on iOS
New languages added: English (American), English (Transatlantic), English (International), Broken English
Pretty great notification sounds
In accordance with centuries-old prejudice, north is up and south is down on all maps
How GetAwaze Came To Be:
Saving time is our passion. In searching for new ways to save the public time, we considered some pretty “out of the box” solutions: lobbying to eliminate speed limits, moving cities closer together, working with theoretical physicists to abolish the very concept of time, and even asking Duane Reade to hire a second cashier to man one of the many empty registers.
Our analysis found an interesting anomaly: In America, a staggering amount of time is wasted interacting with police officers over frivolous concerns. We looking into this, crunching a lot of data, and what we found actually surprised us. It turns out that the areas in which the fewest negative police interactions occur are the areas in which there are no police officers.
After that, all that remained was to find a simple, elegant way to route our users through those police-free areas. It was decided that a combination of public data (location of police stations, donut shops, etc) and user-submitted data (drop a pin to file a Police Report!) would provide the most accurate information about where to walk without getting hassled for wearing colorful shoelaces or listening to hip-hop.
Hundreds of hours, practical tests, false arrests, and tech-industry-friendly Chipotle-style lunches restaurants later, GetAwaze was born! It is now the most successful app of all time by any metric.